


Daffodils Equal Death

by peachaura



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, kind of, throwing up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 22:43:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11541951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachaura/pseuds/peachaura
Summary: It was at exactly 2:37 a.m. on a Tuesday morning when Dan realized he was in love with his best friend. It was approximately twelve hours later when he discovered the consequences of it.ORDan has hanahaki disease and tries his best to deal with it





	Daffodils Equal Death

It was at exactly 2:37 a.m. on a Tuesday morning when Dan realized he was in love with his best friend.

It was approximately twelve hours later when he discovered the consequences of it. It was certainly a surprise when Dan started to suddenly cough up bright yellow daffodil petals. A very,  _very_ uncomfortable surprise.

At first he thought he had hallucinated the whole thing, but as the minutes ticked by and the petals that had puddled at his feet weren’t disappearing, he started to panic. Dan’s body started shaking and his legs began to wobble, which caused him to collapse onto his knees. He took a quick, shaky breath and started to gather up the petals into a pile. He didn’t need Phil to see what had happened, especially when Dan wasn’t even sure what had happened.

When Dan had managed to scoop up all the petals he shuffled his way to the bathroom, careful not to let any of the soft, paper-thin objects fall to the ground. As soon as he managed to make his way to the bathroom, he dropped all the petals into the toilet and flushed them down, erasing any evidence of the event. Dan was pretty sure that flushing a bunch of petals down a toilet couldn’t be good for the plumbing, but at the moment he had bigger issues to deal with.

After Dan flushed down all the petals, he sat in the bathroom for a few more minutes trying to settle himself into a calmer mindset. His body was still shaking slightly, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. What he did care about, however, was what the  _fuck_ had just happened. And instead of rushing to the hospital like any rational person would do, he decided to look it up online instead.

Dan managed to get himself out of the bathroom and into the lounge where his laptop was sitting on the table. He opened it and took a deep breath, hesitating for much longer than he should have. Dan wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to know what was happening to him, but he knew he  _needed_ to know. With that thought in mind, he opened his web browser and typed “coughing up flower petals” into the search bar.

Dan clicked on the first link that showed up, to which was titled “Hanahaki Disease”.

_The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love._

Dan’s stomach flipped uncomfortably as he read. And as he continued to read he felt as if he was going to throw up, and this time it wasn’t going to be flower petals. He learned that the disease was apparently not even supposed to exist except in fiction, which didn’t make any sense considering Dan was currently experiencing it. He also learned that he would die from it if it wasn’t removed by either surgery or having the feelings returned. And Dan knew for a fact that Phil wouldn’t return the feelings that Dan had only started to experience less than a day ago. But he didn’t want to surgically remove the flowers either because apparently that meant he’d lose the feelings along with it, and Dan didn’t really want to forget what it felt like to truly love Phil. So even though the chances were beyond slim, Dan had to try to get his best friend to return his feelings.

Dan slammed his laptop shut and got up from where he was sitting. He was beyond stressed and he needed something to calm himself down so he went into the kitchen and began to brew some tea. Tea always seemed to calm him down in stressful situations. He leaned against the kitchen counter while the water was warming up and tried to just  _not think_. About flowers. About love. About anything.

Suddenly Phil poked his head around the kitchen door. “Are you making tea? Can you make me some?” Phil asked sweetly.

Dan looked up and blinked a couple times. A surge of nervousness flowed through him and he was sure it was noticeable, but he tried to play it off. “Oh-um, sure.”

“Thanks!” Phil exclaimed. “Maybe we could watch something when it’s ready? I’m kind of bored.”

Dan forced a smile despite the flower petals that he could feel crawling up his throat. “Sure.”

As soon as Phil left Dan coughed up more flower petals, he hadn’t seen Phil since this whole thing had started, but now that he had he felt like he was going to overflow with both emotions and flowers.

As soon as Dan’s coughing fit had stopped (he was extremely thankful Phil hadn’t heard) he scooped up the petals and crumbled them up in a paper towel before throwing it away. Once again erasing any evidence that it had happened. He composed himself much quicker than he had earlier in the day, which was probably due to the fact that he knew what was happening to him this time around. Not that it made it any more tolerable.

By the time he finished composing himself he realized that the water was already boiling. He got two mugs out of the cupboard and made both him and Phil a cup of tea. He mentally prepared himself and took a couple of deep breaths before walking into the lounge where Phil was.

Dan found Phil sitting on the couch and handed him his tea before taking a seat beside him. “So, what did you want to watch?” Dan asked, thankful when the flowers in his throat appeared absent.

“I was thinking we could marathon Death Note, we haven’t seen it in a while,” Phil suggested.

“Sounds good,” Dan muttered, taking a sip of his tea, washing down any petals that were trying to make their way up his throat.

~

After quite a few hours in a comfortable silence between the two roommates, Phil finally decided to break it.

“Hey, Dan?”

Dan hummed in response.

“Do you ever think about romantic relationships?” Phil asked casually.

Dan’s heart leapt and he gulped. “Sometimes, why?” He answered, trying to keep the same tone of voice as Phil.

“It’s just, I’m reaching that age where a lot of people are already married--with kids even and I feel strange being single.” Phil continued.

Dan nodded as if he understood (too afraid to use his voice), urging Phil to go on.

“I was just wondering if you would be okay if I started dating people? Y’know, just, putting myself out there.”

Dan’s breath hitched and his heart clenched. He felt like he was about to puke up an entire field of flowers, but he managed to swallow them down and answer Phil. “I’m not sure why you need my permission, but I guess you have it,” Dan said, his voice strained. Despite the words that were leaving his mouth, it was far from what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Phil he couldn’t. Tell him that if he dated anyone it had to be Dan. But he didn’t because Dan wasn’t that selfish, and despite everything that he was currently going through, he couldn’t bring himself to take away any happiness that Phil may find in his life, even if that happiness comes in the form of another person. A person that wasn’t Dan.

“I know I don’t  _need_ it, but it’s nice to have it. So thank you,” Phil sent Dan the kindest smile and Dan wasn’t sure how much longer it would be until he broke. Phil turned back to the television and played the next episode.

Dan stood up quickly and mumbled a quiet “bathroom”, thankfully Phil had heard and nodded his head in acknowledgment. Dan practically bolted to the bathroom, nearly falling on his way. The moment he got to the bathroom he started to throw up flower petals. They fell out of his mouth like a waterfall, petal after petal being violently coughed up. It went on for about a minute until Dan’s throat suddenly tighten and an entire daffodil, stem and all, came out of his mouth. It was an extremely painful sensation and thankfully after the flower managed its way out of Dan’s mouth, everything stopped. Leaving behind a pile of petals and tear stained cheeks in its wake.

So there Dan sat, in a pile of tear-and-sweat stained petals with a beautifully disastrous daffodil that lay atop it all. Dan was physically and mentally exhausted and he could barely breathe. His lungs burned and his eyes felt rubbed raw.

It took Dan nearly ten minutes to even begin to get up. But when he finally did, he began to carefully pick up all the petals (including the daffodil) and throw them in the toilet. He flushed them down and was thankful when it didn’t get clogged.

After he got rid of all the petals, he went over to the sink and washed his face off. His eyes were red and it took a lot of cold water to make him look even remotely presentable.

After another ten minutes or so, he finally deemed himself neat enough to go back to the lounge.

When he got back, and Phil had asked him what took him so long, Dan just said he had a stomach ache and Phil hadn’t questioned it any further.

~

After that day, things got surprisingly better. Dan still coughed up petals, but it wasn’t as bad as he had expected. In fact, some days he didn’t cough up anything at all which he was extremely thankful for. He almost felt normal again.

But then Phil went out one day and came back with a girl. She was beautiful, even Dan couldn’t deny that. She had long blonde hair, green eyes, and her face was littered with freckles. And at first, Dan actually felt fine (much to his surprise), it was just a girl. But then both Phil and her started acting cute and sappy. They cuddled up on the couch and Phil kept peppering her face with little kisses and Dan felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t take it.

He ran to the bathroom for the first time in weeks and coughed up mountains of flower petals, including quite a few full daffodils (which he hadn’t done since the day he got the disease). It lasted so long and Dan started losing his ability to breathe and it got so bad he nearly passed out. But it eventually stopped and Dan felt like he had just barely survived drowning. It was at this moment that he remembered that this disease could (and would) kill him if he didn’t do something about it. It was also at this moment that it truly sunk in that  _Phil had a girlfriend_. And he realized that if that was his reaction to simply seeing her with Phil, it would get much worse in the future. It would kill him.

So he made a decision, one he would probably regret one day, but it was the only thing he could do to save his life.

So after he spent nearly a half hour composing himself, he walked out of the bathroom and back into the lounge. He didn’t look at either Phil or the girl when he got there. “Hey, I’m going out. Do you need anything while I’m gone?” Dan asked.

Dan took a quick glance at Phil and noticed his eyebrows were scrunched up in confusion. “I don’t think so, but where are you headed?”

“Just to buy some things and get some fresh air. I’ll be back in a few hours.” Dan answered.

Phil still looked confused, but he mumbled a quick, “alright, be safe.” anyway.

Dan grabbed a coat and his wallet before heading out the door. Not stopping for a moment, for fear of changing his mind. Dan called a taxi over and was thankful when it arrived quickly. He told the taxi driver his destination and tried not to let his nerves get the best of him.

Finally, he had arrived at the place that he should’ve been at weeks earlier: the hospital. Dan remembered reading that there were only two ways to get rid of his condition. Option one being to get Phil to love him back, and option two being to surgically remove the flowers growing in his lungs. Dan thought that he could’ve lived with Phil not loving him back, that maybe the disease he had wasn’t as severe as the internet said. After all, this whole thing was supposed to be fictional. But he was wrong, and this was the only way for him to survive, even if it did erase the love that he felt for Phil.

With that in mind, he walked into the hospital and tried his best to explain his situation. Surprisingly, they seemed to understand--the disease was apparently not as fictional as the internet claimed, but still very rare. And after Dan told the doctors that he had been living with it for over a month, they seemed very concerned for his health. Apparently, the flowers should’ve grown much faster than they had been and it was a miracle Dan was even alive at that very instance.

The doctors agreed to take him into surgery almost immediately. One of the doctors had apparently had a patient with the same disease as Dan and agreed to do the surgery on him. Dan was rather glad that the doctors weren’t going in blindly with this and was very lucky that one of them had actually operated on a patient exactly like him before.

They gave him some kind of drug to knock him out and he blacked out almost immediately, only to wake up a couple hours later with a pain in his chest. It took him a moment to get his bearings, but when he did he remembered why he was here, he quickly tried to think of Phil as anything more than a friend. But there was nothing there. No feelings for him whatsoever.

But despite the feelings being gone, the memories remained, and his heart ached at the things he could remember. There was an empty feeling within him that used to serve as a container for everything he felt for his best friend. He wanted to reach out and take all of it back, he wanted to still be in love with Phil, he yearned to feel it all again, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t manage it.

And the worst part about it all was that Phil didn’t even know, and he never would.


End file.
